Working with a client yesterday it dawned on me the skill level I’ve attained. Doing Thai massage isn’t the same as receiving it. The only thing I’ve noticed is that I believe I’m occasionally a little heavy handed due to not receiving the work regularly but overall I’ve absorbed it. It’s in my cells, not something abstract I read in a book. When people tell me they have pain in one spot, I know to look at another. When they’re having pain I can discern the structural issue and often help.

Working with students in my last Thai massage class a chart was pulled out with sen lines, the energy lines in Thai massage. I glanced at it, something I’ve not looked at in what seems like years and just giggled internally. I feel them. Map? Model? Chart? I laughed realizing others don’t even know they’re there, I just sense them after years of working on people and myself. I no longer need the model.

I’ll probably always have moments of I’m not good enough, I think my perfectionist streak leads to that. In the end I realize I’ve devoted the past ten years of my life to healing. I heal myself, heal others and try to find new areas and ways to continue that path.

You can get a massage anywhere. Nothing beats experience. I often tell people these days I focus on chronic pain issues, working with athletes like dancers or yoga practitioners. I can work on anyone but my nuanced skill set means these niche groups seek me out.

When I got out of massage school I started to notice the patterns in peoples posture. Session after session I worked and ten years in I’m Really good at what I do. I’m good enough that I’m teaching others what I do without review, without advanced preparation and railing off on concepts related to energetics, physiology, anatomy and bodymind. This won’t lead to a puffed up I know it all attitude but it does lead to my charging what I’m worth, being confident in my skills and continuing to grow and develop.

It’s humbling to look back, remembering times when I’ve almost given up. I refused. I knew what I had worked it just took time to develop and marketing has never been my focal point. I can work on the marketing but how are healers created?

Heal yourself. Keep working on others and practice healing them. Then you can develop mastery in your chosen field.