I stumble over my own thoughts at times. The logical inconsistencies that come with thought and logic often confound me and leave me wondering, what does that particular word mean? In a loving moment with my wife at a party I realized while I gazed down upon her face and stroked her hair just how difficult it’s been to love her.
I mentioned it and we entered our own little world in the midst of the party. I thought deeply and pondered what I was trying to communicate. After considering what I was trying to make effable I explained that loving her is easy, loving her as much as she deserves requires attention and focus.
My path is not that of a celibate. I chose romantic love consciously. I felt no desire for the monastery or austerity and growing in relationship with someone was my chosen path. One must choose ones partners carefully. My spiritual leanings have me embrace impermanence. In that state, in the true realization that there is only this moment, the challenge is to embrace it fully and possess the inner fortitude to love yourself and others in every fiber of your being. Breath after breath, moment after moment interacting with the world around you to manifest beauty and love.
There is no method, no book and no substitute for love and living life. It is learned by experience. Tis better to have loved and lost is the saying. Impermanence is another word for it. When I am old I’ve no wish to look back on my life and regret. I’ve no wish to ponder what I could have done differently to love others, create a better world and leave this planet better than I found it. My life is my message. It’s manifest in my teaching yoga, in my bodywork and in my relationship to others.
“Loving you” is difficult, I explained “because I must step up to the challenge you’ve placed before me. I must love you as you deserve by becoming the person I aspire to be. I must love in the way that Coltrane improvised a solo. Embracing the present moment with every cell I must be improvised love. I have to cast it out as it pours through me undiluted. You have challenged me in our relationship to try to learn to walk upon the earth as if flowers should sprout out of my footsteps. That is the man you deserve and with every breath I evolve into him.”
She was as you can imagine, touched. Even embracing the small tender moments of loves expression will prevent a lifetime of regret. Love is now.